before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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