You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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