I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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