I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he high fived his dick after we had sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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