Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
