We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
