I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
