I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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