so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
