he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
