Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We are all done wearing pants today
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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