Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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