You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
