The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
