She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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