I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize