Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
