I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
