I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
