Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
