so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
