my phone needs a breathalizer
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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