I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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