Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
