i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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