This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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