I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize