I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize