I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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