watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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