Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He? As in you personified your dick?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
