My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
