Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
