i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
