And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
