I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
