my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize