Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
