Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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