What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
