yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
