Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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