can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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