I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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