I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
