She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
