I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pants are for mortals
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
