I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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