oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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