Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am available for nakedness
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
