apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
