just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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