Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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