Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
