happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
