I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
