I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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