well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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