When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So vagazzling was a success
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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