You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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