Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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