Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She's just so happy...and so naked.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
