do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
