i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Two words: blizzard sex
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
