Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
