Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
