Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
