I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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